Today has been... one of those days. When something inside of you just feels like you really need to let it out.
So you think about it...and try to figure out what it is that's messing around with your head. You don't know. You can't figure it out. Maybe if you just vent about something to someone it'll come out on its own. Does that make sense? Sometimes when you get to talking with one of your closest friends, you end up saying more off the top of your head and end up being honest with what's actually going on. Sometimes you find out that you needed to be honest with yourself. You just didn't know it...ha.
Well today...I woke up and went to work SUPER early. 7:00am shift. (i mean, i guess people with REAL jobs can relate...) But to me...thats not my usual day. So maybe I was tired but I dunno, today I just felt like I had something pressing on my mind too much. Frustration. Irritation. Maybe a little anger? ha. That emotion I don't like. But truthfully, I think I felt it today. I didn't even know why? Maybe I subconsciously let something build up. I'm always telling people to "Feel how you feel! Don't hold back." You can't help how you feel sometimes and its ok to just be honest with yourself. Better yet, its MORE than ok. It's healthy.
Well, so, I came home from work and just felt like I needed to let something go. And frankly, I needed to figure out who was gonna be my "venterator." (---its off Gilmore Girls)
So I was at the apartment, by myself...and was just feeling like I needed to "talk it out"..."take a load off"...you know what I mean. And now for the serious moment...I needed to let myself BE myself. Completely. Not half-hearted or 75% of me. All of me.
There's only a few options of who I can go to. But truth is...sometimes I want people to just listen and not offer solutions. So I don't call anybody....instead I just decided to flip my Bible open and start reading. (i love to read it. and i only say that because its THAT good :)
but usually when I do that, expecting something PERFECT to pop out when i open it up, its completely off my "needed" subject haha.
But not today.
Today I barely opened it...since I only made it to book 2 out of 66. Exodus. ??? I was kind of aiming for the red letters...but I just started to read. The perfect verse popped out.
I'm not gonna tell you.
Read the whole book and guess which one it was.
ha. Just kidding. It was Exodus 33:11 "Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face...as one speaks to a friend."
Granted...I told God I wish I could speak to him face to face. But...the point is...I can talk to Him like he's my friend. And I'm not embarrassed to say that. I'm confidently saying it...
He is my friend. He's been my friend longer than anyone has. He's been there with me to cry out to my WHOLE life. And I have. And thanks to Him I have peace in my life. Because He's that great to me.
So the point I'm trying to make...is that I literally stopped reading further. Made myself a latte. And just talked to God. (If that's weird to anyone...sorry...but we're that close)
And without details...let's just say...I feel much better now. He's the friend I needed to go to. He's the friend who actually CAN do something about my life. He's the friend who always does.
I love God. (simple thing to say, powerful to feel)
I really do. He is my best friend. And I'm so grateful that God gets me.
